Want to add a second wife? It's okay but respect your first wife

Marriage starts with one wife. However, due to reasons best known to a man or a couple, a second wife might be brought into the picture to let the man become polygamous.

Bringing forth a second wife is an evidence that you were once cheating in your marriage. Yes, I say cheating, because you’ll not just pick a random girl and take her home that very moment. You must have known her for quite sometime.

Secondly, if you claim that it was an agreement between you and your first wife, I’m sure you proposed the idea because obviously no woman will do that. Additionally, at one point you must have seen this lady as a potential wife, approached her and had some “little talks” before the discussion.

The circumstances that precede this step (introducing your second wife) matters a lot. If you are the type that ensured peace and fully provided for your first wife then Kudos! Your example is worth being emulated. On the contrary, if you are the type who subject your first wife to all forms of abuse then you need to man up!

Understand that having a second wife is not the end of life or an achievement. It can be the continuation of the many problems you are trying to solve by this second marriage. Also, in unfortunate events, this can just be the beginning of the many wives you are going to have.

Importantly, you also need to comprehend the fact that respect to your first wife is not something she should beg for. It’s paramount and despite finding a woman “better” than her, you must give it to her. Infact, both your second wife and you should respect her because of the following reasons:

She made the person you are today

Reflect back and think of the person you were before meeting her. Most definitely, you were poor with no hope. Your 22-roofed mabati house was probably the most expensive asset that you owned.

This woman first accepted you as you were and agreed to be your wife. Through her hard work and endless motivation to you, you are now somebody who ladies can see and admire.

I doubt if they would have admired you before! Now that you want to marry an office lady or an African turned mzungu artificially, you have turned the woman who changed your destiny to a drum.

You beat her three times a day like a malaria dose. She’s now not of the same class as you are and now you think she’s old and out of fashion so insulting her has become the order of the day. Son of Adam I urge you to get salvation before thunder strikes you.

Law and the Bible recognizes her

In some communities, if you die, you are to be buried besides your first wife’s homestead. It doesn’t count whether you hated or abandoned her after marrying other wives.

In Christian perspective, marriage is for two people that’s one man and one wife and that’s why God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and and many ladies. He also removed one rib from you not two or three. So biblically, your first wife is the one recognized.

She made you a father

In most cases, men become fathers in their first marriage. You are therefore not expected to disrespect the mother of your child in any occasion. However, in a case where she didn’t bear any child for you and you are labelling her as barren and this becoming the basis of marrying a second wife, remember children come from the Almighty and it’s His time that has not reached. You being hasty to do the work of the Almighty through your second woman is a topic for discussion some other time.

She made you respected

You are probably the type who doesn’t care what people say . However, numerous negative comments from different people will make you worried. This is the same feeling when people keep questioning why you are not marrying and start creating stories about you. The first wife therefore came in and gave you a status in your society as some can refer to you as a father and a husband.

No one will be like her

As human beings we are unique. As our nature too, we always tend to compare one thing to another. Probably your second and other wives are having white collar jobs while your first wife is just doing odd jobs to survive.

First, I’ll blame you for abandoning her. Secondly, that shows how strong and determined she is. She doesn’t believe in begging to survive and also the fact that she’s her just makes it difficult for others to do things exactly as she’s doing them.

Roselyne Awiti