Sex Before Marriage The Reason Today’s Marriages Don’t Work ,Elder Says
Data released by the Judiciary through the State of the Judiciary Annual Report (SOJAR) indicate that in the last financial year ending June 2022, 3,784 divorce cases were filed at the magistrate courts across the country while 1,820 were filed at the Kadhi courts.
Analysis of the comparative data shows there was an increase in divorce cases in the previous year, ending June 2021 – 3,082 filed at the magistrate courts and 1,654 at the Kadhi courts.
Now elders have said that couples having sex before officiating their union is the number one reason why marriages are crumbling in Kenya.
Elders say People living together before marriage is the reason as to why today’s marriages are chaotic, abusive and catastrophic.
The elders say ,the current generation have abandoned the right procedures, terming them ‘old fashioned’ not knowing the damage they are causing.
Like in the Mijikenda community ,’Aroni’ was necessary .This is a ceremony where the two lovebirds meet at the girls home a week before the wedding, and taught on marriage values and how to behave in marriage.
According to Dama Ziro a 70 year old and a traditional marriage counselor in Magarini, the absence of Aroni and sex before marriage are the reasons as to why today’s marriages are falling apart.
She says she did not know sex until she married.
‘’When I was getting married, I did not know what sex was, so it was during this ceremony that my grandmother told me to touch my private part and she says, you see that thing that you are holding from next week it’s no longer yours it belongs to your husband so in no any occasion should you deny him his conjugal rights’’. She says.
She says marriage vows are no longer vows, the new generation doesn’t value marriages, and instead they just get married for the sake of portraying a family.
‘’Till death do us part has become till mpango wa kando do us part’’.Dama says. Adding that as a marriage counselor she has mentored quite a number of couples.
According to her, most marriages today don’t last, because of not following the right channels like engaging in sexual acts before marriage.
”Sex chastity , kept marriages glued in the past, even when polygamy was openly practiced”
A girl was taught to be respectful to her husband and the society where she is married off, she was supposed to talk less and be conservative.
”A woman was taught to be polite, it was a great taboo for a woman to talk back to her husband, she was only supposed to answer and not talk back ,unlike nowadays where you can see a woman talking back to her husband ‘’.Dama says .
According to the elders, women were also taught to be on their toes, when the husband calls, you are supposed to leave everything and run to listen even if you are in the middle of anything.
Tradition dictates that a woman is expected to wake up very early in the morning, take a shower, cleans the house and prepares a warm bath and breakfast for her man.
Women were also taught on how to cook mouthwatering meals for their men and to be welcoming.
‘’When your husband comes from work, welcome him with a broad smile, prepare a bath and shower with him’ ’.Says Kache Khonde, one of the women elders.
Women were also married while they were still virgins, this created trust in the marriage, and whenever a woman was married and found out that she was not a virgin she was taken back to her father’s house.
According to Tsuma Nzai, director at Magarini cultural center, men were taught on how to take care of their families.
”Technology has been the largest contributor to the morale decay that the society is experiencing at the moment”
In the olden days , moral values were unbreakable pillars and elders were out to protect it.
”Women were taught to kneel when serving drinks like alcohol., says the onset of civilization has resulted to the current immoral breed of the 21 century that invited negligence and quest for western lifestyle has toned the fabric of African culture.”
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