Why men don’t want to marry

Marriage is precious and admirable. From your couple goal to seeing celebrities flaunt their successful and beautiful families makes you want to have one of your own. However, this is not the case for most Kenyan men. Most just love being in relationships, cohabiting and enjoying all that pertains to love but never want to marry.

Infact, you can date a man for more than five years but bringing up the marriage topic in any of your discussions is tantamount starting up a break-up conversation. For them, marriage is their biggest fear. It is one thing that can make them disappear and be unavailable for days and months.

According to a survey I did on Meta, there are many ladies who claim to have dated their lovers for years but they never see any hope of getting married to them and officially living as wife and husband. Some have even borne children, others know their partners’ entire family but living together as a couple remains a dream whose time of fulfillment only the Almighty can tell.

For a moment, I thought these issues were just meant to collect views and likes until I heard of it. My best friend, 26, has been dating this guy for four years now. She says, they always planned to get married by the time she was twenty five but her guy has been postponing it citing out several reasons. 

First, he told her to bear him a child  which she did at twenty four but that seemed not to be enough.

At some point, he blamed the tough economy which was somehow understandable to my friend. On other occasions, he could talk about his ex who after a disagreement swept his house while he was on his daily hustle, something he says made him lose his trust for ladies.  Other times, he literally said he is not ready for marriage.

This got my friend thinking; can it be that according to her partner she is not the right one for him? Is he serious with the relationship or was he just passing time with her? Is he having a secret lover or wife somewhere he must be afraid of losing? What if he does not marry her, what will become of their kid?

These are some of the few questions she asked me whenever we had our little chats. I therefore had to do some little analysis and below are some of the major reasons I came up with:

Some men fear responsibility and commitment 

Marriage comes with responsibility and a high degree of commitment. When in it, a man, with the help of the wife, must ensure the general well being of their family. Children must be in school, family in good health, rent must be paid and sometimes give their family a treat.

All these means he will have to forgo his leisures and hobbies and part with a good share of his salary for the sake of his new family. This kind of transition is never easy. This is why some sire children and run away something we will talk about later. Non is too broke for marriage, they just fear  taking up responsibility.

Additionally, marriage requires the man to forget all the other women including those more beautiful than their spouses loving only his wife. This is not a walk in the park as men are always lured by what they see. Not marrying therefore give them an opportunity to gratify the desires of their eyes and flesh.

Goals of life

We all have goals. For some men, they desire to have rental apartments, vehicles and other luxurious items before marriage. This type see marriage as one that will derail their plans  and would therefore do anything to evade it to first chase their dreams.

Some seek to please their mothers

This is common with Mama’s boys. They never want anything that will annoy their mothers. Pleasing their mother is their full time business. In any case the mother does not like ladies born and raised in town or one who has tasted town life for whatever reason they hold and you are one, your man might be fully in love with you unwilling to let you go but will never marry you because his mom will be irritated.

The truth is as a man, except for Catholic Fathers, no matter how fast you run from marriage, it will definitely catch  up with you. Know when you are ready and date. Do not waste somebody’s daughter time only to leave her a single mother breaking her trust for men.

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