If I Were god, Men Could Get Pregnant!

Bro, how can you impregnant her and vanish ? Real men don’t hit and run. They hit until the drum admits defeat. Hitting and running is for boys not men.

I thank our campus dispensaries so much because they’re always stocked with condoms. The medical practitioners there knows that you love sex other than education. Yes. This is true because, in every party, something like a panty or bra must go down.

It’s always raha, starehe and anasa. However, it rips off my heart whenever I bump on a desperate expectant or breastfeeding female comrade battling her stress lonely as a student. This always leave me with some bitter rhetorical questions which I never ask so that I may not look judgemental or offensive.

It is the phrase “kwani beb huni-trust” that’s leaving many comrades pregnant and others infected with sexually transmitted infections like kaswende? Young girl, ukisikia this phrase please, murife without looking lack. The dude wants to dissect your honeypot as if he’s mining gold then go to the next victim.

Look here, this dude don’t understand when you are on mood swings, crave for fruits/chocolate or when you’re battling your menstrual pain. Him is always “beiby uta-come kuniona lini?” And you on the other hand, just smiling sheepishly thinking he loves you NO. He’s after your honeypot.

One, you don’t know where he come from. What you know for instance is, he’s a Luhya , Kamba or Luo. Nothing else. You even don’t know the exact place he come from and never bother to ask him but, he may be knowing exactly your tribe, name of your parents, where you come from and even your seasonal name.

So, because he’s a horny soul, he tries and get what he wanted but unluckily, Postinor 2 (P2) fails and you ain’t on any family planning method so you get pregnant. And because he didn’t love you, he murife you.

Your crush(es) then after seeing you pregnant, they start distancing themselves from you even your once close female friends. Ball hufukuza ndume comrade haraka sana. And here, is where the problem starts.

You find yourself thinking of suicide, deferring or dropping out of campus but when it hits you “home unategemewa or mtoto wa pasta“, you decide to suffer as a Kenyan. On the other hand, the man is nowhere to be seen. He blocked you and changed the simcard.

Now, you’ve delivered either a bouncing baby boy or baby girl. Wuuweh! You’re a happy mother in town but still, the dude is in hideout. So, those helping you are some female comrades to be specific, those that are mothers like you, a handful of kind men on the plot and perhaps your caretaker.

But, you’re still in problems because, you now have a new name “single mother”. Many men will still fear dating you keeping in mind, “a game must start zero zero”.

Let me leave this one alone. We’ve got another one who ate her fees with a bae, got infected with AIDs on the process but the bae or prince impregnated another one. So he used her helb loan and fees to secretly cater for the welfare of the other lady. Ahahaha, bro, heaven huendi manzee.

After God, I fear campus relationship like sh**t*. But to others, you fear pregnancy much than HIV. After all, the claim it’s like Malaria. A story for another day. The rise of young single mothers in colleges and campuses is so alarming of late. Now that the country is facing the shortage of condoms, no joy at all.

Bros, hitting and running is for cowards, immature boys and horny souls but if I were God, you millennial men could get pregnant and monthly, have cramps. There’s no way you can unzip, sin and walk as if there’s nothing bad you’ve done.